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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25824829">Ghosts within nightmares</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alphawave/pseuds/Alphawave'>Alphawave</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Disco Elysium (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Healing, Kim had an ex oh my god, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, Wow I wrote a SFW fic of these two for once</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 02:23:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,484</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25824829</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alphawave/pseuds/Alphawave</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Kim has a nightmare, Harry tries to comfort him, revealing the ghosts that still haunt them to this day.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Harry Du Bois &amp; Kim Kitsuragi, Harry Du Bois/Kim Kitsuragi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>75</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Ghosts within nightmares</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><b>YOU </b>— Nightmares have become your life. You can't escape them no matter how much you try. Nights upon nights they seize your mind, reminding you of your sins, your mistakes, your failures. You've almost grown comfortable with the nightmares though. They are terrifying, but they are constant reminders. They hurt, but the pain almost becomes familiar. You know of greater loss, so you can handle this pain.</p><p><b>INLAND EMPIRE </b>[Easy: Success]— But tonight, a pleasant dream awaits you instead. Instead of the cold, golden lungs of a lost loved one, now the warm, open arms of a binoclard angel. They don't speak, not because they can't, but because you both know no words are needed. In this hell pit of all your sorrows, your troubles seem to blend into the darkness surrounding them, or perhaps the light of the angel is so bright that you can't help but look upon them. Your arms open up to envelop them.</p><p><b>PERCEPTION</b> [Easy: Success] — They chuckle softly, mimicking your gesture. </p><p><b>EMPATHY</b> [Trivial: Success] — They don't judge you for your affection, both in this world and in the cold, hard shards of reality.</p><p><b>ANGEL </b>— "Come over, Harry."</p><p><b>YOU</b> — You close the distance slowly, the angel still mimicking your movements until the distance between your bodies has been bridged. Tentatively, you wrap your arms around their body and breathe it all in.</p><p><b>CONCEPTUALIZATION</b> [Medium: Success] — Light floods your body, taking away all the darkness. You siphon that light, take it away for storage, making yourself brighter at the expense of making all those around you dull and fade. So bright and brilliant, your demons almost seem nonexistent.</p><p><b>ANGEL </b>— The angel's light gets weaker and weaker, until finally they push you away. Their eyes are wide. Their body shakes. "N-no…no, no!"</p><p><b>YOU</b> — "Kim, please—"</p><p><b>ANGEL</b> — "No, don't go in there! Stay with me! Don't go with them!"</p><p><b>PERCEPTION</b> [Medium: Success] — The angel isn't looking at you anymore. He's looking past you, behind you, at an orphanage that wasn't there mere seconds ago.</p><p><b>YOU</b> — You state down at your hands, translucent and cold. Just like a ghost. Or an outside observer seeing something they should not be seeing. Hearing things they should not be hearing.</p><p><b>ANGEL </b>— "You're going to die! Don't go in there! Jacques!"</p><p><b>INLAND EMPIRE </b>[Easy: Success] — He doesn't see you. The world has changed around you. The empty abyss is now a street. There are building all around you, but only the orphanage is in crystal clear detail. It's dilapidated, with a broken sign in front and an even more broken man standing at the entrance, with twisted, corpse-like limbs and burns covering the side of their face.</p><p><b>EMPATHY</b> [Formidable: Success] — In all your life, you've never seen the angel look so fragile. So broken.</p><p><b>ANGEL </b>— "Don't go, Jacques." They're crying now. Full-on, pathetic, shuddering cries. They don't even wipe the snot from their nose. "D-don't go, Jacques," they whisper.</p><p><b>BURNED CORPSE </b>— But the corpse heads in towards the orphanage, which explodes in a fiery column up to the sky.</p><p><b>REACTION SPEED</b> [Impossible: Failure] — The smoke descends, enveloping you in its choking atmosphere before you can even move a muscle.</p><p><b>PAIN THRESHOLD</b> [Impossible: Failure] — It burns, it stings your throat. You can’t breathe anymore, the toxic air is consuming you and the world all around you, sweeping it all away with every painful breath you take in. All you can do is collapse and succumb.</p><p><strong>PERCEPTION </strong>[Heroic: Success] — A chorus of coughs and breaths leave blackened lungs. You reach out for the Angel...</p><p><strong>INTERFACING </strong>[Impossible: Failure] — ...but they don't reach out to you.</p><p><b>LIMBIC SYSTEM </b>— A shudder, then a horrible, pained gasp. Blood rushes through your body, sweat staining your skin. Awaken, oh pitiful lump of meat and sorrow. Scream your pain from the inside out.</p><p><b>ANCIENT REPTILIAN BRAIN </b>— For once in your sorry life, that scream does not belong to you.</p><p><b>YOU</b> — Your eyes are closed, but you're suddenly aware of the heaviness of your body and the way it dips the mattress beneath you. But the mattress springs back, a terrible gasping inhale from the person beside your bed.</p><p><strong>LOGIC </strong>[Easy: Success] — There's only one person that breath could come from. Only one person who dares sleep side by side with you on a bed.</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — Kim fumbles for the water bottle on his bedside table, the water splashing audibly in its feeble container.</p><p><b>YOU</b> — You crack your eyes open, just enough to see slivers of a thin silhouette sitting up on the bed.</p><p><b>PERCEPTION (SIGHT)</b> [Medium: Success] — Kim is sweating horribly. His eyes look bloodshot, fearful. His hands won’t stop shaking.</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — He stares at the wall for several seconds before glancing briefly in your direction.</p><p><b>DRAMA</b> [Easy: Success] — Close your eyes fully. Don’t move, my liege. Lure him to a false sense of security. The time to move is not now.</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — A sigh rips out from his chest, hollow and haunted. Slowly he maneuvers his body, letting his feet hang off the side of the bed before hopping down silently, carefully opening the door to the balcony and closing it behind him.</p><p><b>EMPATHY</b> [Easy: Success] — He doesn’t want to wake you.</p><p><b>DRAMA</b> [Trivial: Success] — Little does he know you’re already awake.</p><p><strong>AUTHORITY </strong> [Trivial: Success] — Do you really want to ruin your sleep because Kim has a bad dream? If he did that every time you had a nightmare, he’ll never get any sleep.</p><p><b>PAIN THRESHOLD</b> [Trivial: Success] —It’s too late, you’re already up.</p><p><strong>ENDURANCE </strong>[Trivial: Success] — It’s not like you were getting much sleep anyway.</p><p><b>INLAND EMPIRE</b> [Medium: Success] — You just know that if you let him go, you will never be able to go back to sleep tonight. The guilt will consume you.</p><p><b>YOU</b> — You wait a few seconds before carefully tiptoeing out of the bed, grabbing a night gown and a lighter before heading out into the crisp, dark, cold Revachol air.</p><p><b>SHIVERS</b> [Formidable: Success] — The city does not sleep like you do. It watches over its citizens, overseeing it all, keeping them all as safe as its powers will let it. Cool, brisk winds slide through to encourage the plants to grow more in the spring and for the nocturnal creatures to rise and watch over as the city’s new protectors. </p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — He leans on the railing of the balcony, clad in his pajamas. A cigarette is propped up between two fingers, unlit, unloved. His face is free of his spectacles, his glasses left behind in the bedroom.</p><p><b>SAVOIR FAIRE</b> — The pajamas are the most uncool thing in Kim’s wardrobe by far, which is still better than most others. It’s tailored to his proportions and made of a soft, comfortable material to keep him warm during the winter months. The motor carriage print is the cherry on top.</p><p><b>VOLITION</b> [Medium: Success] — Not your greatest purchase ever, but he’s still wearing it, which must be a good thing.</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — When you approach, he turns his body to you, his eyebrows rising slightly.</p><p><b>REACTION SPEED</b> [Formidable: Success] — He doesn't show it, but she's surprised he woke you.</p><p><b>YOU</b> — Without a word, the lighter is flicked on and cupped with your hand. You extend the offering to Kim.</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — He shakes his head. "I shouldn’t. Already had my one."</p><p><b>YOU</b> — "You look like you need a second."</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — "You're a bad influence," he sighs. But he takes your offer, sticking the cigarette between his lips, leaning forward to light the end before straightening up. He takes a long, slow drag and exhales. A smoky almond plume rises up.</p><p><b>PAIN THRESHOLD</b> [Trivial: Success] — He needed it. Needed that rush of nicotine.</p><p><b>PERCEPTION</b> — His face doesn’t relax as it often does when he smokes. He’s still all edges and hard lines, tense without release.</p><p><b>ELECTROCHEMISTRY</b> [Trivial: Success] — It's been too long since you've felt the calm, subtle buzz of a cigarette. Take that stick to your mouth. Stop this sober business. Be what you're supposed to be, a hardcore drugged-out superstar.</p><p><b>VOLITION</b> [Trivial: Success] — You won't fall for this. You've been sober for so long. Don't ruin your run.</p><p><b>YOU</b> — "How are you, Kim?"</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — "I feel like shit. You know that."</p><p><b>YOU</b> — "You seemed really rattled."</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — "It's just a nightmare," he murmurs. "I'm used to it."</p><p><b>DRAMA</b> [Easy: Success] — <em>You're </em>used to it. You have them almost every night. But not Kim. He doesn't let anyone affect him, let alone his own mind.</p><p><b>PAIN THRESHOLD</b> [Medium: Success] — And he is affected. Even if he won't admit it.</p><p><b>LOGIC</b> [Easy: Success] — This isn't just a nightmare. This is something else. Something more private. Personal.</p><p><b>YOU</b> — You lean over the balcony, taking in the stench of garbage and the flickering halogen lights of the city.</p><p><b>EMPATHY</b> [Formidable: Success] — Kim is content to not say anything. You caught him with his pants down metaphorically. He's not comfortable saying anything about his nightmare.</p><p><b>SUGGESTION</b> [Medium: Success] — If you want him to open up, you have to make the first move. Make him open up to you, make him trust you.</p><p><b>ESPRIT DE CORPS</b> [Easy: Success] — It won't be difficult to do the latter. He already does.</p><p><b>YOU</b> — "Who's Jacques?"</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — He whirls around to you, body stiff, eyes wild. "What?"</p><p><b>YOU</b> — "Who's Jacques?" you repeat.</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — "Where did you hear that name?" He growls venomously.</p><p><b>DRAMA</b> [Easy: Success] — He can't know about us. He must not know about us. Deflect.</p><p><b>YOU</b> — "Said it in your sleep. Woke me up before you went for the balcony."</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — His lips purse slightly in thought. You almost think he might believe you.</p><p><b>DRAMA</b> [Godly: Failure] — But then his eyes narrow into stilettos, and they stab into you, tearing you apart limb by limb.</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — "I don't talk in my sleep. I know that for certain. Would've been very dangerous if I was undercover." He takes a step closer, his fear and tension turning into volatile anger.</p><p><b>EMPATHY</b> [Medium: Failure] — You can't tell if he's angry, or sad, or afraid, or all of the above. He grips onto your nightgown so tightly.</p><p><strong>ELECTROCHEMISTRY</strong> [Medium: Success] — If only he'd grip your throat that hard sometimes.</p><p><strong>AUTHORITY</strong> [Easy: Success] — He might, if you push him. And you don't want to push him.</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — "Where did you hear about that name?" He seethes. "What do you know?"</p><p><b>YOU</b> — "I-I just heard of the name, that's all." You raise your hands up defensively.</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — "Don't fuck with me, Harry. I don't need you to can-open me. I don't know how the fuck you heard that name, but just because I'm with you doesn't mean I'm obligated to tell you anything and everything you wanna hear."</p><p><b>RHETORIC</b> [Easy: Success] — He won't spill his secrets easily anymore, but that doesn't mean he won't talk to you. Maybe if you—</p><p><b>YOU</b> — No.</p><p><b>LOGIC</b> [Trivial: Failure] — What?</p><p><b>VOLITION</b> [Trivial: Failure] — Huh?</p><p><b>PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT</b> [Trivial: Failure] — Wha…?</p><p><strong>HAND/EYE COORDINATION</strong> [Trivial: Failure] — Por que?</p><p><b>YOU</b> — He's right. I don't need to can-open him. Doesn't mean I don't want to know, but it ain't my place.</p><p><b>SUGGESTION </b>[Easy: Failure] — What are you talking about? Think of all the things he's revealed to us. The secrets he's shared.</p><p><b>AUTHORITY</b> [Medium: Success] — He submits for you. He can be cracked open, you know how. You can help him.</p><p><b>YOU</b> — He tells me his secrets, but I don't have many to tell him. It's fucked up, expecting this stuff when I can't even give him anything in return.</p><p><b>INLAND EMPIRE</b> [Heroic: Success] — There is <em>one </em>secret Kim doesn't know. Or rather, that he doesn't believe in yet.</p><p><b>VOLITION</b> [Legendary: Failure] — No.</p><p><b>PAIN THRESHOLD</b> [Godly: Success] — Don't...</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — When you stay silent, Kim takes a step back and watches you, trying to make sense of the strange expression affixed to your face.</p><p><b>YOU</b> — You take in a deep, shuddery breath, and decide to let it all out. "Kim," you start slowly. "I hear voices in my head."</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — "That's called your imagination," he scoffs.</p><p><b>COMPOSURE</b> [Impossible: Failure] — Don't do this.</p><p><b>YOU</b> — "N-no, it's like…these voices are a part of me. 24 parts of me, specifically—or…maybe, more. Not sure. But they're all in my head, telling me things I should not know, bringing life to things that should not have life in them. Like corpses and ties and collars."</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — Kim is dubious. His face softens slightly. "I'm not a psychotherapist, but that sounds like multiple personality disorder."</p><p><b>YOU</b> — "It's not, I…fuck, I wish it was. Maybe then I could finally fix myself and make them shut up. But no, it's like…parts have me got splintered, and something else glued me together. Something supernatural. Something that shouldn't be a part of me."</p><p><b>PAIN THRESHOLD</b> [Medium: Failure] — Stop this, please, this won’t end well.</p><p><b>YOU</b> — "I'm not joking about the voices things. I can hear the dead and the inanimate. I can hear the city talk to me. I can hear my body tell me every goddamn thing about drugs and alcohol, just as often as it tells me about the sociopolitics of the world and my own fucked-up life."</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — He looks at you for several seconds, trying to figure out what's going on in your head, whether this is some elaborate prank or, worse yet, that you've fallen back on drugs and alcohol.</p><p><b>EMPATHY</b> [Formidable: Success] — But he sees that haunted look in your eyes and knows that you believe it to be true.</p><p><b>DRAMA</b> [Medium: Success] — For Kim, you will never lie, my liege.</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — His eyes reflect the neon lights of Revachol. You can pinpoint the exact moment his opinion of you changes. "That's…that's insane."</p><p><b>YOU</b> — "Yeah…"</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — "I…fuck, Harry, this is ridiculous. This is completely ridiculous…" </p><p><strong>RHETORIC </strong>— He wants to say more, but he doesn't know what else to say. He's speechless.</p><p><b>YOU </b>— "You believe me?"</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — "I don’t want to, I…fuck, I really don’t want to, but you believe it, and I’ve seen some crazy stuff with you. There must be some truth to it."</p><p><b>DRAMA</b> [Medium: Failure] — He does not believe you.</p><p><b>ESPRIT DE CORPS</b> [Godly: Success] — He wants to. He really wants to. But admitting you can hear voices in your head means admitting that he can never help you with those voices. And he doesn’t like to admit he’s helpless. </p><p><b>YOU</b> — "I could hear your thoughts just now," you say. "You don’t believe me, because accepting it means you can’t help me."</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — His eyes widen dramatically, to the point that you think you can see specks of brown in his irises. And then they narrow, hiding their light. "Khm. That was a fluke."</p><p><b>YOU</b> — "You want me to prove it? I’ll prove it. Think of something and I’ll guess what you’re thinking."</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — He rolls his eyes. "This is stupid. You’re just looking at my body language. Or listening to the tone of my voice."</p><p><b>YOU</b> — "I can close my eyes. Go on, think of anything. A number from one to a million."</p><p><b>EMPATHY</b> [Easy: Success] — He looks at you incredulously.</p><p><b>VISUAL CALCULUS</b> — The odds are, well, a million to one.</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — "You don’t need to close your eyes…fine. I’ll play your game." He closes his eyes. After several long seconds, they open dramatically. "I’m thinking of a number right now."</p><p><b>DRAMA</b> [Medium: Success] — A lie. He’s not thinking of a number at all.</p><p><b>LOGIC</b> [Easy: Success] — He’s thinking of something you’d never guess.</p><p><b>ESPRIT DE CORPS</b> [Legendary: Success] — He’s thinking <em>I am definitely straight and like boobs and have a small penis. </em>That exact sentence, over and over like a broken record.</p><p><b>INLAND EMPIRE</b> [Trivial: Success] — Yeah, you’d never have guessed that.</p><p><b>YOU</b> — A mirthful grin springs up. "Are you sure about the boobs thing?"</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — "Huh?"</p><p><b>COMPOSURE</b> [Medium: Success] — A crack in his defenses.</p><p><b>YOU</b> — "You’re thinking that you’re definitely straight and that you have a small penis, which we both know ain’t true, but come on, even you love boobs. Couldn’t get your lips off mine."</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — His hand raises up to adjust his glasses. Then he realizes he’s not wearing them. "They’re called pectorals," he sighs.</p><p><b>YOU</b> — "Pectorals, man boobs, same thing."</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — "Honestly," he sighs. He turns his gaze to you. He’s not amused like he should be.</p><p><b>CONCEPTUALIZATION</b> [Easy: Success] — A knife glints in the darkness, prepared for attack. Cornered and afraid, the only thing its wielder can do is fight back.</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — "Why are you telling me all this?" He asks in a low voice.</p><p><b>INLAND EMPIRE</b> [Medium: Failure] — Why <em>are </em>you telling him about us?</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — "Because you want to know my secret. An eye for an eye. A secret for a secret." He takes another drag of his cigarette. "Of course you do. That's how it always is with you. You always have to know about everything. You won't stop until you get your answers, whether it'll help you or not."</p><p><b>YOU</b> — "It's not like that…"</p><p><b>PAIN THRESHOLD</b> [Easy: Success] — Here it comes.</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — "Then why? Why tell me this? It doesn't make me feel better. Doesn't make me forget about my nightmare. It just makes you feel less guilty about yourself for being so heartless."</p><p><b>REACTION SPEED</b> [Formidable: Success] — His throat warbles. It's taking all his willpower not to let his emotions get the better of him.</p><p><b>DRAMA</b> [Medium: Success] — But it's too late. His fear is making him say things he'd never say. Exaggerating things he doesn't mean.</p><p><b>LOGIC</b> [Trivial: Success] — But it's true. You know this. Even if he doesn't completely mean it, you know it's true to who you are.</p><p><b>PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT</b> [Medium: Success] — You're a monster, Harry. Always have been. Always will be.</p><p><b>YOU</b> — You look out to the dark horizon in front of you and let out a sigh. "I told you because I thought you might be the one person that could understand."</p><p><b>COMPOSURE</b> [Medium: Failure] — A great pain washes over your face. A lifetime of bad choices and worse commitments make themselves apparent upon your countenance.</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — "Understand?" His voice is softer now. That concerned tone has returned. </p><p><b>YOU</b> — "Nobody understands. Living inside your own head, seeing things no one else can see, hearing things no one can dream. Having these voices inside you that you know are part of you, but you're waiting for the day they drown you out."</p><p><b>SAVOIR FAIRE</b> — You don't want to cry in front of Kim. Stop this.</p><p><b>YOU</b> — "I'm not asking for your secret in return, or any other secrets for that matter. I just thought you might like to finally know what's going on in my head. And the answer is, a whole lot of dark, depressing <em>everything</em>." Another sigh is pulled from your lips.</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — He's silent for several seconds. Then, "Why do you think I'd understand?"</p><p><b>YOU</b> — You shrug. "You seem to understand me better than I do. And I've got over 20 voices in my brain to tell me about me."</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — "So I'm just another voice in your head?"</p><p><b>YOU</b> — You chuckle softly. "Even better. You make the worse ones go quiet. Make me feel like I have control over my own thoughts."</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — Kim leans over the balcony edge, takes another slow drag and holds the cigarette between two fingers. His face is expressionless for several moments.</p><p><b>ESPRIT DE CORPS</b> [Godly: Success] — A myriad of memories play in his mind. Of you, and him, and of the people that are important to him. There's not many memories in that montage. The list of people he considers important to him is much smaller than most people's. You feature in the majority of them.</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — "Jacques…was my lover." He takes another drag, butts the ashes down onto the street.</p><p><b>ELECTROCHEMISTRY</b> — A lover?</p><p><b>HALF LIGHT</b> [Trivial: Success] — A lover that Kim still thinks about? A lover so important that Kim still has nightmares about?</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — "It was supposed to be a fling. Something to help me cool off while I was undercover. But things got complicated fast. The more times we saw each other, the less time we spent in the bedroom and more time spent doing…nothing. Just chatting. And the strange thing was, I didn't question it. It felt natural."</p><p><b>ENDURANCE</b> [Medium: Failure] — A spike of jealousy and pain rings through your chest.</p><p><b>YOU</b> — The words are so hard to say but you say them anyway. "You loved him," you whisper.</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — He shakes his head. "It wouldn't have worked out. That's one thing Mullen gets right. Cops and romance don't work out. Me and Jacques wouldn't have worked."</p><p><b>REACTION SPEED</b> [Trivial: Success] — He said undercover, right? There's only one time where Kim has had to go undercover.</p><p><b>YOU</b> — "The pinball ring infiltration?" You surmise.</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — "Yes," sighs Kim.</p><p><b>YOU</b> — "But I thought the pinball ring infiltration went perfectly. Everybody arrested, no deaths, right?"</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — "Not everybody was arrested, and people did get killed. Just not when the actual arrests were happening." He rolls the cigarette between his fingers, the only way to distract his hands from shaking again.</p><p><b>YOU</b> — You rest a hand on his shoulder. "You don't have to tell me."</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — He turns to you, hesitancy in his eyes, but he doesn't stop. He needs to get it out of his system. "The reports aren't wrong. All of the adults involved in the illegal pinball ring were arrested, and no officers died, but…" He turns around to takes another drag, puffing a small cloud away.</p><p><b>EMPATHY</b> [Easy: Success] — He has to consider his words. He's never spoken of this incident to another soul until this day. It's been bottled up for so long, too long.</p><p><b>YOU</b> — You squeeze his shoulder gently. "It's OK, Kim."</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — "…this kid, Barnard. Son of one of the ringleaders we just arrested. He was always a volatile kid, I never liked dealing with him, but after his father got arrested he went insane. Somehow figured out I was seeing Jacques that night at the Orphanage. Or at least, I was supposed to be seeing him that night. But he wanted to talk about taking our relationship to the next level, and I…didn't want to. So I didn't go. And then Barnard, he managed to talk some kids into letting him into the basement, managed to get his hands on some explosives, and…"</p><p><b>CONCEPTUALIZATION</b> [Medium: Success] — Hellfire and smoke. A blaze too quick to be natural, consuming all in its path in seconds. From life, death. From death, charred bones and empty bodies. The screams of one man and a hundred children echo across the ruins.</p><p><b>YOU</b> — "Fuck, Kim, I'm so sorry…"</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — "Don't feel sorry. I couldn't do anything. If I actually went to the Orphanage like I was supposed to, I wouldn't be standing here right now. It's a blessing in disguise."</p><p><b>EMPATHY</b> [Medium: Success] — He knows he couldn't do anything to save Jacques and the other orphans. But there was one thing he could've done. A few words he could've said then to give him piece of mind. A few words he could've said to Jacques to cut the last hanging thread.</p><p><b>VOLITION</b> [Easy: Success] — Don't bring this up. We know the pain of being reminded of our mistakes.</p><p><b>YOU</b> — "What did he look like? Jacques, I mean," you whisper.</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — He twirls the cigarette around his fingertips. "He's a bit taller than me. A bit fat, but also intimidating on first glance. Which makes his gentle demeanour a surprise to many, including myself. If I had one word for him, it would be affectionate. He wasn't openly homosexual, but he wasn't exactly hiding those aspects of his identity either." He glances at you before adding, "A lot like you used to look like, if your badge is to be believed."</p><p><b>ELECTROCHEMISTRY</b> [Easy: Failure] — He sounds perfect.</p><p><b>HALF LIGHT</b> [Easy: Success] — A better fit for Kim than you.</p><p><b>VOLITION</b> [Medium: Success] — But Kim is still here, isn't he? He hasn't run away, hasn't stormed off in anger or in tears. He hasn't abandoned you.</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — After a few seconds, Kim tilts his head towards you. "Are the voices talking to you now?"</p><p><b>YOU</b> — You nod slowly. Your throat is tight within your neck.</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — "What are they saying? About what I've just revealed?"</p><p><b>YOU</b> — "That Jacques sounds amazing."</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — "He was…"</p><p><b>YOU</b> — A heavy breath releases from your chest.</p><p><strong>VOLITION</strong> [Medium: Failure] — Your thoughts inevitably drift to Dora. </p><p><strong>PAIN THRESHOLD</strong> [Medium: Failure] — A great pain gnaws at your chest.</p><p><strong>YOU</strong> — "I’m so fucked up," you whisper.</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — "We both are. Don’t pretend it’s just you."</p><p><b>YOU</b> — "You only have nightmares now. Me, I have it everyday."</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — "You think I don’t have nightmares?"</p><p><b>YOU</b> — “It's not the same. You’re cool, Kim. Always know what to say, what to feel. You don't let these things affect you most of the time. Not like me..."</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b>— He butts out some more ash and sticks the cigarette into his mouth. He finally turns to face you, the halogen of the city reflecting back in his eyes. "Do you know why I’m with you?"</p><p><b>LOGIC</b> [Easy: Failure] — It’s eluded you for a long time.</p><p><b>INLAND EMPIRE</b> [Easy: Failure] — You’ve often wondered what he sees in you.</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — "Because I like spending time with you."</p><p><b>YOU</b> — When Kim doesn’t say more, you ask, "That’s it?"</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — "I’ve been around many people. Some people I tolerate, many people I get tired off, but I haven’t gotten tired of you. You can be childish and insensitive at times, but for the most part I’ve enjoyed my time with you."</p><p><strong>YOU</strong> — "Even after what I said tonight?"</p><p><strong>KIM KITSURAGI</strong> — A smile finally peeks from his face. "Yes. Including tonight."</p><p><b>PERCEPTION</b> [Medium: Success] — The night doesn’t hide the pink stain of his cheeks.</p><p><b>EMPATHY</b> [Formidable: Success] — From anybody else, it’s a statement. From Kim, that’s as close to a confession of love as he can get.</p><p><b>YOU</b> — A smile forms. "I love you too, Kim."</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — A strangled noise emerges from his throat, followed by a violent cough. The cigarette is spat out, toppling down to the ground below as its owner unleashes wave after wave of painful coughs.</p><p><b>VOLITION</b> — Next time, let’s not profess our undying love to this man when he’s got a cigarette in his mouth.</p><p><b>HALF LIGHT</b> — You wouldn’t want to be the cause of his death.</p><p><b>YOU</b> — "Shit, you OK, Kim?" Your hand rounds to his back, patting him gently.</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — "I-I’m fine." He coughs again, swatting your hand away. "Just…f-fine."</p><p><b>PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT</b> — He doesn't look 'fine'. It's as un-fine as you've ever seen him. He doesn't hide it though, the coughs and the pain, the lethargy in his eyes and the tiredness that seeps into his soul.</p><p><b>SAVOIR FAIRE</b> [Easy: Success] — He trusts you a lot to let you see him like this. He trusts you a lot to keep his secrets.</p><p><b>YOU</b> — Your arm wraps around his shoulders, pulling him into you and your body heat, soothing him through cough after cough.</p><p><b>ESPRIT DE CORPS</b> [Godly: Success] — A long way from here, a svelte woman with golden locks smokes on the balcony, another man by her side. She does not think about her past, does not think about anything except that very moment. She discards the cigarette, replacing it with apricot-scented gum.</p><p>Even further away, the ashes of an orphanage have been swept away, and an industrial complex sits on its ruins. On the ground rests the souls of many children and one indomitably kind man who haunts without meaning to.</p><p><b>SHIVERS</b> [Godly: Success] — So many souls nestled in one great city. So many souls thinking about themselves and not others. Selfishness breeds creativity and steel and sodium, leads to the rise of concrete jungles and tall buildings that can scrape the sky. You were once one of many. Now you're two.</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — Kim curls into you and shivers, as if suddenly aware of the cold. He's no longer coughing, but his face still looks a bit pale. His night is not over yet.</p><p><b>YOU</b> — "Let's head back inside, hmm?"</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — He quickly nods at you. The cigarette is already forgotten.</p><p><b>ELECTROCHEMISTRY</b> — That cigarette was wasted. Longing fills your blood stream, makes your body so uncomfortably tense, and this one little piece of ash and fire can bring you ease.</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — But Kim taps you on the shoulder, a smile playing on full lips. "I don't think I'll be able to sleep."</p><p><b>RHETORIC</b> [Medium: Success] — He wants you. Always has since your two souls have become one, and his solitary world became two. He stirs in anticipation, waiting to see how you can crack him open and help him forget about the world.</p><p><b>PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT</b> [Formidable: Success] — But you're tired and you're pushing well into your forties, and no matter how much you think otherwise, you are not as strong or as resilient as you used to be.</p><p><b>YOU</b> — "I don't think I've got the energy for <em>that </em>tonight," you sheepishly admit.</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — "Tea, then?"</p><p><b>PAIN THRESHOLD</b> [Medium: Success] — He won't be able to sleep tonight with such a fresh open wound. But with a companion by his side, it might be easier to manage. Just like he made your wounds so much easier to clean.</p><p><b>YOU</b> — You smile. "Tea sounds lovely."</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — He leads the way, past your bedroom to the small kitchenette of his apartment. Even without his glasses, he knows where everything is, navigating through touch alone.</p><p><b>PERCEPTION</b> [Easy: Success] — It almost looked impressive, given his eyesight. That is, until he grabbed the first aid kit instead of the tea box and almost dropped a couple of bandages into an empty mug.</p><p><b>YOU</b> — You help Kim, suppressing chuckles and giggles at his expense as you boil the water and steep the tea, watching as Kim drinks to make sure he doesn't accidentally burn himself in the process. You sit down next to each other on the tiny kitchen stool, your shoulders lightly touching. Companionable conversation springs from your drinks, about any and everything that pops up in your head. From the weather, to the RCM, to your hobbies and your life and your deepest fears and hidden desires.</p><p><b>ESPRIT DE CORPS</b> [Easy: Success] — He listens. He always listens. Taking in your rambling, noting it all down in the notebook that is his mind, waiting for the day he may need to use this piece of information to pull you back from the brink.</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — Your conversations dies down, unspoken words transformed into companionable silence. He looks at you and smiles. No words are spoken, not because he can't speak, but because none are needed. Under the dim, single bulb of the kitchenette light, Kim is alight, coating his surroundings with warm, radiant light.</p><p><b>YOU</b> — You stand up suddenly, approaching him without a sound, and open your arms for him.</p><p><b>REACTION SPEED</b> [Medium: Success] — His eyes quickly flicker between your arms and your face, too slow to decipher meaning.</p><p><b>YOU</b> — You embrace Kim, giving him your heat, your own light, and your own understanding.</p><p><b>PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT</b> [Trivial: Success] — He doesn't move for the longest time. He almost seems frozen.</p><p><b>PAIN THRESHOLD</b> [Easy: Success] — Was this too much? Was this too soon? Did we take him by surprise, did he not want this?</p><p><b>INTERFACING</b> [Trivial: Success] — Then cool, slender arms around your midsection. A face planted to your stomach.</p><p><b>REACTION SPEED</b> [Formidable: Success] — Those arms grip tight. A few stray wet beads imprint themselves on the thin fabric of your tacky night gown.</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — When he finally retreats, his body looks a lot more relaxed. His face looks clean and neutral, almost like he didn't just cry into you seconds ago. "How do you handle having nightmares all the time?"</p><p><b>INLAND EMPIRE</b> [Medium: Success] — You've been here, done that. Woke up sweating, terrified, piss on your pants and vomit on your lips and ghosts on your mind. But you never had someone by your side to comfort you. Never had someone you could hold and you could touch and who could tell you that everything will be alright. You never had someone who understood.</p><p><b>PAIN THRESHOLD</b> [Trivial: Success] — It'll never stop hurting.</p><p><b>VOLITION</b> [Easy: Success] — But with Kim around, it will hurt less.</p><p><b>YOU</b> — "Honestly? You never get used to the nightmares. But having a friend around makes it easier to deal with."</p><p><b>KIM KITSURAGI</b> — "Easier," he whispers absentmindedly. "Easier sounds better than nothing."</p><p><b>ANCIENT REPTILIAN BRAIN </b>— He doesn't know the half of it.</p><p><b>YOU</b> — You chuckle. "Easier is a fuck ton better than nothing."</p>
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